summertime blues

I hate summer.  Towards the end of June, I always get depressed.  Perhaps it was all the half naked bodies obnoxiously having fun on MTV Spring Break Beachouse productions during my child and teen years when I had little to do but watch television and play street tennis in the sweltering Alabama heat for short bursts until the sun chased me back inside.  Boo hoo.  But that melancholy I felt as a teenager has stayed with me all these years, and last week I could barely get out of bed.  Plus, my studio at school is on different hours--my schedule has run amok.  And to add more vitriol, my new painting hasn't been going so well.  But I kept my head down and continued picking up the brushes and hating and loving the process.  And I came up with its current condition, which I'm growing to like a little.

this is another new beginning (phase D)

I love starting a new painting.  There is only optimism and endless possibilities.  Then reality sets in and doubt returns over and over again like a bad case of bed bugs.  I finally began my painting from sculpture of the model of Cherry.  She will be the sister of Lazarus / De Kooning's Stopping By Later whatever I'm calling it these days.  I really like the idea of these religious paintings.  Although I'm not a religious manchild, there is some beauty in worship and religious stories.  But what about other religions?  Perhaps Christianity has relatives that Christians are too afraid to accept.  And if that's the case, then Cherry's alter ego might be pagan.

this is the drawing bored

I suppose my totems are guiding me toward creation, not only symbols of my current state of mind but also inspiration for the new paintings that I'll start today.  One is elated, the other introverted.  And perhaps that's the balance I'm trying to achieve in my life and work right now.

                

The left totem will--in my head but of course most paintings end up being different from the way one envisioned them in the beginning--end up being the sister painting to The Rise of Lazarus.  She will stand in for Elijah.  And ever since I stumbled upon this religious theme, peeking inside the head of The Great and Powerful Sherry, I discovered that she has entrapped the whale this time.  My favorite person is supposed to tell me the Jonah story in greater detail since I am not Christian and focused on crafts instead of paying attention to Bible studies in Sunday school.  I want The Great and Powerful Sherry to be huge, maybe two or three canvasses...not really sure yet.  The drawing bored, which is really the walls in my studio, not so boring.  But boarding can often times be tedious.